


Death is Just A Chapter

by bofurlove



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 21:19:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bofurlove/pseuds/bofurlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the BOTFA Bilbo takes a spear to the chest to save Thorin. Bilbo dies before Thorin can say he is sorry or even thank Bilbo for all that he has done. Three years later Thorin wakes from a restless sleep missing the one he loved deepest and true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death is Just A Chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Missing my brother who passed away two months ago, felt the urge to write this.

Thorin woke up in a cold sweat panting as tears streamed down his face. His room was cold and he felt chilled to the bone despite all the furs that covered him as he lay in his bed. His whole body felt weak and tired, he had not slept well since the battle. He climbed from his bed quickly pulling clothes on as he set off to roam the halls of Erebor. The polished stone shining under the torch light that lined the halls in the wee hours of the morning.

He could no longer find awe and wonder in the mountain, it felt hollow and empty as we walked silently. He wandered for a long while before coming to stand on the outer wall of the kingdom. He looked over the land that was still sleeping, the horizon bearing the slightest hints of pink and orange as the sun began to rise. The dwarf king closed his eyes as he relished the feeling of the soft breeze on his face, the smell of earth and trees filled his nose. His heart began to swell as the familiar smells assaulted his senses, filling him with the urge to visit the one who could bring his mind peace.

He turned his back to the beautiful sunrise now breaking across the sky and continued to walk deep into the heart of the mountain where the tombs of the fallen were located. He slowly and reverently walked towards the one he had not visited in a long while. There etched in the polished stone were the words “Bilbo Baggins: Hobbit, Burglar, Friend”. The king traced the words with his hand before resting his palm flat against the smooth surface, the cold stone welcoming his touch. Slowly he pressed his forehead to the stone beside his hand.

“I miss you….” He whispered softly, “every day.” The kings heart began to tighten in sadness as he confessed the feelings that he had been holding in hoping to ease his sadness. The sadness that had taken its toll on his entire body leaving him worn and with an aching heart. Sadness he could not escape even in sleep because the face of the one he loved haunted his every dream.

“I wish you were here with me.” A large lump had formed in the King’s throat as he desperately tried to keep his breathe strong and even. “I am so sorry for everything. I should have listened to you. I should have protected you and trusted in your words.” Tears began to sting in the King’s sapphire eyes, slowly leaking down the sides of his face leaving streaks in their wake.

“It should have been me.” Slow sobs began to escape from the dwarf King’s lips, ragged and deep. “It should have been me to go. You did not deserve this, you should be in your shire with your garden and your books. You should not be locked away forever in this mountain…I miss you so.”

Thorin placed both his palms on the tomb that held his beloved hobbit, rubbing his thumb over the hobbit’s name gently. “It should have been me…I am so lost here without you. I wish you could come back to me. I wish to see your beautiful hazel eyes once again shining as you laugh. I wish to hold you in my arms and pour my heart out to you and confess my love I always withheld out of fear and insecurity.”

The sobbing dwarf sank to his knees feeling too exhausted and drained to continue to stand. “You said that you’d be here with me forever…no one could ever take your place. There will forever be a hole in my heart that will never be able to be filled. I find myself constantly reaching for you though you are not there. My mind constantly searching for you, craving the feeling of your skin across my fingertips. Though you are not here with me.” The king buried his face in his hands as he wept freely in the sanctuary of his beloved’s tomb. “How I dream of the life we would have been if I had not acted so foolishly. You would be so beautiful and we would rule together and all would be right. I would not be torn apart by the sorrow I feel every day. I wish to the gods I could change it all, to have you here to light up my world.”

The king continued to weep until his body had no more tears to give, sitting still on the cold hard floor of the tomb, so focused on the words etched there he did not hear another enter. He jumped suddenly at the feel of his nephew’s arms around him. His heir and nephew knelt beside him.

“You couldn’t sleep either?” The golden haired dwarf asked quietly. Thorin only shook his head, unable to speak over the lump of grief that was lodged in his throat, almost constricting his breath. “Nor can I. I have had the same nightmare every evening this month. My mind replaying that awful day that we lost our dear friend.”

Fili watched as his uncle sat still, knowing that he was trying desperately to cling onto his hold of his emotions. Though it had been three years since Bilbo’s death, Thorin had never recovered. Fili had watched as the fiery dwarf had faded into something that was not fully there. Missing his other half, grieving continuously for the love that was lost and would never be returned, hurts that could not be healed, apologies that would never be spoken.

“Uncle, this pain may take your entire lifetime to soothe, but  I don’t think that he would have wanted you to despair so. He would not want you to punish yourself in this way.” The young dwarf traced soothing circles on his uncle’s bath in an attempt to comfort him. Thorin turned his gaze to his nephew, his eyes filled with tears and sorrow.

“I know that Fili, but it is difficult to forget one who gave me so much to remember. I never had the chance to say goodbye, to apologize, to tell him what a fool I was for my behavior.” Thorin turned his face away to hide the tears that had started anew falling from his eyes.

Fili took a deep breath as he watched his Uncle turn away, “Death is just a chapter in this mad life we live uncle. Bilbo is with us always. I know this, I feel him in my heart every day. I feel him watching over us as we walk through these halls and I know that he watches over you as well. He is here with us on the wind as it blows, in the leaves in the trees as they whisper gently to each other. In the ground beneath our feet he I all around you.” Fili gently rose from his knees to his feet placing a bouquet of beautiful lilies in his Uncle’s lap before leaving him to grieve in private. His heart breaking at the knowledge that his Uncle’s pain would never cease and his heart would not be mended. 


End file.
